Warning: Episode may contain strong language, violence and sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

PREVIOUSLY…

• Kate discovered Tom’s secret phone and uncovered his affair with Lee.
• Jack angrily attacked Tom in The Oak & Vine before dropping the bombshell on everyone that Tom was having an affair with Jack’s husband, Lee.
• Following the revelation that Emma was Nick’s biological mother, Queenie visited her friend and said that she would always support her. She also told Emma she understood her pain better than most and needed to tell her something.

Greystone Downs Farm,
Glendale

Upstairs, in the master bedroom of Greystone Downs, Kate Spencer carefully and methodically folded and packed several items of clothing into a large black overnight bag. The calm speed and meticulous precision with which she moved about were in contrast to the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that stirred in her mind. Kate had made the decision to leave the marital home after discovering the secret phone that her husband, Tom, kept locked in the key box in the barn, as well as the scandalous and salacious messages that revealed his affair with local baker, Lee Campbell. She had packed two outfits for herself, teenage daughter, Ava, and young sons, Harry and Noah, as well as their school uniforms, toiletries, and several electronic devices. While she had no idea on exactly where she was going to go, Kate had hoped that Tom’s mother, Carol Kennedy, would allow them to stay at The Oak & Vine temporarily.

On the bedside table, with her phone on silent, the screen illuminated.

Carol
Missed Call

Carol
Missed Call

Carol
Missed Call

Carol
Missed Call

Carol
Missed Call

The discovery of Tom’s infidelity had knocked the wind out of Kate. Initially, she was loathed to believe what was laid out before her eyes, but with each scandalous text and explicit image, she was left with no doubt as to what her husband had been up to. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her cheeks carried the blackened trails of dried, mascara-stained tears, and her spirit felt weary. Everything she had known, believed in, and loved had been turned on its head, and she now didn’t know up from down.

Kate paused, allowing herself a moment of peace and clarity to truly breathe and take stock of what she had discovered and what came next. However, her serenity was shattered when, through the bedroom window, she caught sight of Tom’s silver Land Rover Defender barrelling down the dirt driveway at speed with dust swirling into billowing clouds in its wake.

Outside, the SUV screeched to a halt as gravel crunched and rumbled under the tyres. In one swift motion, the engine died, the driver’s side door flew open, and Tom leapt out. With his face bloodied and bruised from the beating he had received in the pub moments earlier from Lee’s husband, Jack, Tom bolted across the farmyard towards the barn as fast as his feet could carry him. His footsteps thudded heavily against the dusty ground, and he was completely oblivious to Kate’s Land Rover parked just a few feet away. As far as he was concerned, she had gone back to work. Following the confrontation and the exposure of his affair with Lee, Tom knew he had to get to the secret phone he kept locked away before Kate did. With adrenalin-fuelled panic surging through his system, he tugged open the heavy barn door and moved inside. As he reached the locked key box that was affixed to the wall just inside the barn, Tom punched in the code that only he knew – 0 7 2 2 – and waited for the door to whir, click, and unlock. He grasped the handle, pulled it open, and his breath caught in his throat. The box was empty. The old Samsung phone he kept in there was gone.

“Looking for something?”

The sudden appearance of Kate startled him and sent the farmer jumping several feet into the air. His heart thundered in his chest, his ears swished with blood, and he could feel the thumping of his pulse throughout his body. Tom spun on his heels and, as he looked back at his wife, his world stopped, for there she stood, looking devastated and heartbroken, holding his Samsung Galaxy S i9000 phone.

–  G L E N D A L E  –

Honeysuckle Cottage,
Glendale

Cautiously carrying a wooden tray laden with her best china, Emma Blake entered the living room from the kitchen and carefully placed it down on the coffee table. A full teapot, milk jug, sugar bowl, and two delicate china cups with matching saucers were arranged neatly, and as she straightened, Emma was satisfied with its appearance and the fact that she was finally getting some use out of the tea set that her late grandmother had given her years ago.

“No biscuits, I see.” Queenie Baxter couldn’t help but comment as she noticed the empty space next to the teapot where a plate of treats should be.

With a wry smile and a roll of her eyes, Emma returned to the kitchen before reappearing carrying an opened packet of Hobnobs.

“No custard creams?”

“No, sorry.”

Disappointment stirred within as Queenie reluctantly took a hobnob from the packet before quickly collecting another three. “Never mind, these’ll do.”

As Emma filled their teacups before settling onto the sofa beside her elderly friend and taking a sip from her cup, she could sense a nervousness within Queenie that she wasn’t used to. “What did you mean when you said you understood what I was going through?”

With teacup in hand, Queenie lowered her eyes to her lap.

“Queenie?” Emma began, noticing how childlike she appeared in that moment, like a little girl too afraid to tell the truth for fear of punishment or repercussions. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Queenie paused as she contemplated her friend’s sincere words before letting out a bit of a sigh. “I’ve never told anyone this before. Not even Audrey.”

Emma returned her teacup to the coffee table and shifted closer to the octogenarian. Queenie suddenly seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, and her petite, frail body seemed to hunch more than normal.

“I…” Queenie’s voice trailed off as her eyes started to glisten with the beginnings of tears. The feeling was unnatural to her, and she fought hard to retain her stiff upper lip, but it seemed futile. As Emma took her hand, Queenie was appreciative of the show of support and tried to smile back at her through glassy eyes. “I’m such a daft ol’ cow!”

A single tear broke down Queenie’s wrinkled cheek. Emma reached out and wiped it away, her thumb gentle across the elderly woman’s tissue-like skin. “No, you’re not. What is it, Queenie? What’s got you so upset?”

Queenie swallowed hard and let out a deep exhale of breath that shuddered with nervousness. “I… I understand how ya feel because… well, I ‘ave a daughter of me own.”

–  G L E N D A L E  –

Greystone Downs Farm,
Glendale

Kate’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of her husband’s bloodied face. Tom’s left eye, already black with a bruise, looked painful and swollen; his philtrum was thick with blood that leaked out of his clearly broken nose; he was sporting a split lip plus a large welt on his right cheek, and his pale blue button-up shirt was heavily bloodstained.

“Oh my God! Your face!” She gasped as instinct took over, and Kate rushed towards her husband to inspect his wounds. “Tom, what happened?”

He winced at her well-meaning and sympathetic touch as she cupped his face in her hands. “It doesn’t matter,” he replied and shrugged Kate’s good intentions away. Tom’s eyes settled on the phone in Kate’s hand, that was clearly switched on, and his heart sank. “Kate, I can explain.”

Suddenly reminded of where they were and what had happened, Kate’s expression hardened. “I want you to explain to me why there’s a newly installed key box in our barn and why you’re keeping nothing but an old phone locked inside it.”

From Tom, there was nothing but silence. He felt sick, and his body tingled with an almost unbearable anxiousness.

“Well?”

“Kate, I—”

“No, you don’t get to start with excuses, Tom,” she interrupted with a resolute tone to her thick Welsh accent. The truth was, Kate already knew the answer as she had read through all the messages, but she wanted to give him a chance – just one – to man up and be honest with her. “Just tell me the truth.”

Tom struggled to meet his wife’s gaze. He could already see from the redness of her eyes and the tear trails that sliced mascara-stained tracks through her makeup that she had uncovered his secret. The guilt about what he had done threatened to pull him under. It was almost too much to bear. “Because I’ve been messaging someone.”

“Someone?” Kate snuffled. “Don’t you mean the mysterious ‘L’?”

There was a coldness to his wife that seemed so foreign to Tom. This wasn’t the woman he had known and loved for a quarter of a century, yet he could also fully understand why she was being the way she was.

“Only, it’s not a mystery, is it, Tom?”

“I can explain.”

“Well, go on then,” Kate replied in a way that was almost like a bark as she crossed her arms and let out a deep exhale. “Explain it to me. Explain it all to me.”

Tom stammered nervously. “I… I…”

“Shall we play twenty questions then? Is that the way you want to do this? Question one: How long have you been fucking Lee Campbell?”

The bluntness of his wife’s questioning caught Tom off guard, and he almost recoiled backward as if struck by the force of it. “Kate—”

“How long!” Kate’s fury bubbled over. Her face flushed a deep shade of scarlet, her arms flung outwards in an involuntarily spasm, and her thick Welsh accent, scratchy from the strain of yelling, echoed around the barn. “I swear to God, Tom, if you have any respect for me, any respect for me at all, you will tell me the truth! How long has this been going on?”

Tom was silent. He didn’t want to admit to the truth. He didn’t want to say it out loud.

“Answer me!”

“About nine months.”

The answer struck Kate dumb, and the world seemed to go silent. While she could smell the hay and see the dust motes floating through the air, everything else evaporated in an instant. She couldn’t feel her heart beat, couldn’t hear the soft bleating of the sheep or mooing of the cows out in the fields, and couldn’t focus her mind on a single thought. Nine months. Nine months of lies and deceit. Nine months of sneaking about. Nine months of disrespecting her and the union she once believed in so strongly.

“Nine months?” She muttered as the world rushed back at her in full stereo surround sound. “Nine Months!”

Tom reached for his wife’s hand, but she pulled it away. While it hurt to talk, he needed to provide Kate with answers; that was the least that she deserved, but the truth was something he was too afraid to tell. Tom had already inflicted enough hurt and pain on the person who had supported him for over half his life that he didn’t know if could do it again. He cleared his throat and shifted nervously on the spot, glancing down at his tan leather boots. “At the New Year’s Eve party, we… he…”

“He what?”

“I… I can’t.”

“You’re unbelievable!” Kate threw the phone at Tom in frustration, and it hit the hard and dusty barnyard floor with a crack, splintering into several pieces that fired off in all directions and settled in amongst the hay. She turned and stormed out of the barn, charging back across the farmyard towards the house.

“Kate! Stop!”

Tom gave chase, and as his wife reached for the doorhandle to open the back door, he grabbed her arm.

“Don’t touch me!” Kate yelled, pulling her arm free as she opened the door and marched inside. “Don’t you dare touch me!”

“Kate, please. Please let me explain.”

Tom followed Kate in and was heartbroken to see she still cared enough to look after him even after what he had done. She collected a bag of frozen peas from the freezer, wrapped them in a tea towel, and then moved across the kitchen to wet a cloth in the sink.

“Here, put this against your eye,” Kate instructed as she handed Tom the tea towel wrapped frozen peas before tenderly and lovingly wiping away the blood from his face. While her tone was tart, her actions spoke of a deeper respect, one which he had failed to show her. “Well, go on then!”

With the peas pressed gingerly against his left eye, Tom looked at his wife. He didn’t deserve the care and compassion she was showing him, and he knew it. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.”

Kate rolled her eyes. “Words! That’s all they are, Tom. Just words.”

Tom knew that the only way to right his wrongs and save his marriage was to be completely and utterly honest with Kate. To let her in and share with her the raw and unguarded truth – something he had kept hidden from the world his entire life. But the truth was terrifying, and once he put it out there, there was no going back. Anxiety clawed at his insides, and his mind spiralled out of control with conflicting and concerning thoughts. Tom cleared his throat. “My whole life, I’ve…”

Kate’s movements slowed to a stop, her heart skipped a beat, and her eyes searched his as she sensed the inevitable looming on the horizon.

“I… I can’t describe it. My whole life, I’ve… y’know.”

Kate didn’t. “Know what?”

Tom was silent. He couldn’t bring himself to say it. Shame and guilt crippled him as his chin quivered and tears pooled at his eyelids. He could see the mix of fury, hurt, and fear all swirling in a nauseating cocktail within his wife – all of which he had caused.

“Answer me!” Kate’s voice rose in desperation. “Know what, Tom?”

Tom struggled to bring himself to say the truth and he mumbled something that Kate couldn’t understand.

“Louder, Tom, for those of us in the back!”

“Liked men.” The two words slipped from Tom’s lips with an exhale as the truth rang out. “Been attracted to men. My whole life I’ve liked men.”

Tom’s confession hung in the air. While Kate was obviously now aware of the affair with Lee, hearing Tom admit to his feelings still caught her off guard and took her breath away. She stared at her husband in silence, her mind racing. Memories of their life together flashed before her eyes – their first meeting, their first night together, their wedding, the birth of their children, the love and joy they shared, or she thought they shared. While expected, to hear the truth was still shocking. Kate steadied herself and swallowed, buying herself some more seconds of thought before resuming tenderly wiping away the blood that stained his face.

“So, you’re gay?”

“No! I’m not! No! Why does everything have to be labelled?”

The quick response that seemed to be weighed down with offence puzzled Kate. Her husband had just admitted to having been attracted to men his entire life, but the thought of being gay seemed to be insulting and, dare she say it, even disgusting to him.

“Can we please sit and discuss this?” Tom motioned to the kitchen table, and, after a moment of hesitation, they cautiously slipped into seats opposite each other. Tom rested his hands against the tabletop and interlocked his fingers as if praying – for the right words, for absolution. “I’m not… I’m not gay, but I am attracted to men. But I’m not gay, Kate.”

Kate absentmindedly twisted the wet and now bloodied cloth in her hands as drops of water, tainted with Tom’s blood, dripped onto the table. “You had sex with a man, Tom. I mean…”

“I’m not gay!”

“Well, bi then.”

“I’m not… I’m Tom. Why can’t I just be Tom?”

Kate watched her husband in silence as he took a moment to gather his thoughts. The hurt and confusion that she could clearly see him struggling to process broke her heart in two, as did the memories of why they were having the conversation in the first place. Kate felt herself torn between love and hate. She wanted to lash out and hurt Tom the way he had hurt her, but she also wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay and soothe the self-hating toxic and dangerous thoughts that were clearly polluting his mind.

“I need you to know that I love you and I always have. I always will,” Tom said as he reached across the table and took Kate’s hand in his. He could feel the tension in her grip. “What I’ve done, there’s no excusing it. But hopefully you’ll be open to hearing what I have to say with an open mind.”

Kate’s breathing was unsteady, and while she wanted to hear what Tom had to say with an open mind, she still wrestled with the anger that was bubbling inside.

Tom’s eyes moved to the table as he tried to find the right words to convey his innermost thoughts and feelings. “With Lee, I never meant for it to happen, Kate, I promise you. I swear on my life,” he said and looked up at her with his big puppy dog eyes from under his brow – the kind that always melted her heart and brought a smile to her face. Only today they didn’t. Today the look was met with a cold indifference. “We were drunk at the New Year’s Eve party at the Oak and Vine, like really drunk, and, I don’t know, something happened. We were laughing about something stupid, and he put his hand on my thigh, and, well, just in that moment, there was something.”

“Something?”

“A spark. I felt something. Something I can’t describe. It was like suddenly I was free or something. I don’t know. Like, he saw me, like really saw me, and there was something about it that, well, it was intoxicating.”

Kate felt her heart tear in two. For almost all of her adult life, she believed that she was the only one who knew the real Tom. But as she sat at the kitchen table, listening to her husband unburden himself from a lifetime of fear and shame, she realised that she didn’t really know his at all, and that killed her.

Tom glanced up at Kate and felt uncomfortable as he saw her eyes become glassy with tears. He wasn’t sure if it was from hurt, anger, or the realisation that there was a whole side to him that she had failed to see. Whatever it was, he knew they were tears that he had caused, and, chances were, he would never be able to heal the hurt he had inflicted.

“You were dancing with Jasmine, and I went to the toilet,” Tom continued, clearing his throat and looking back at his hands as he anxiously picked at the nail bed of his left thumb with his right. “Lee followed, and, well, I kissed him. I don’t know what made me do it, and I knew it was wrong; I knew it, but I was too drunk to care. I know that’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth, Kate. I’m so sorry. We moved into the cubicle, and, well, then he—”

“Stop.” Kate closed her eyes and tightened her mouth as a wave of nausea crashed over her with brutal force. Her breathing shuddered, and she felt the unfamiliar sensation of panic begin to consume her as the foundations of her marriage and her life cracked and shifted.

Tom paused, unsure of whether to continue or not. But knowing that if there was any chance for them to heal from this and move on, he would have to tell the whole truth, Tom summoned up the courage to continue. His mouth was too dry to swallow, yet he felt like he needed to. His eyes moved from the table to Kate and back again several times, each time hoping that her reaction would’ve warmed and her attention returned, but it didn’t. She remained silent, her eyes shut and mouth firmly clamped.

“Afterwards,” he began with an uncertainty in his voice. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. The guilt, God, the guilt, Kate.” Tom let out a deep exhale as he tilted his head back to the heavens and blinked in quick succession, forcing the tears from his eyes. Kate’s opened, and she watched him in silence. “I couldn’t look you in the eye – I still can’t – -and I was convinced you knew, like you could smell it on me or something. I dunno, it was like you could see I was a different man, that you could see the shame of what I was hiding.”

Kate folded the wet cloth into a perfect small square and placed it carefully down on the tabletop. She found the order comforting. It was normal.

“Then one day I went into the bakery to tell him we needed to come clean, but that feeling, that spark, it was still there.” Tom felt the familiar sensation of guilt stalking him and the dark tendrils of shame tickling the back of his neck. “We agreed that it was a mistake and to keep it to ourselves, but I kept thinking about it. It messed with my head, Kate. Consumed my thoughts. Day and night, that’s all I could think about, and then one day he messaged. The kids were at school, and you were at work. He wanted to come over and talk. We spoke for a bit, and I don’t know how it happened, but there was that feeling again and then…”

Tom didn’t need to finish the sentence.

After a beat longer than a moment, a heavy frown crossed Kate’s brow as realisation sunk in. “Here?” She asked breathlessly. “Here in our house! In our bed!”

Without another word spoken, Kate jumped up from her chair, and it scraped along the flagstone floor as she pushed it back. The anger that had been bubbling away spewed towards the surface. Kate felt her breathing shift to short, jagged puffs and her hands clench as her nails dug painfully into her palms. She couldn’t bring herself to look in Tom’s direction.

Like his wife, Tom rose from his seat and he began to worry that he was losing her again. He watched Kate pace back and forth a few times before releasing her balled fists and dragging her fingers through her reddish-brown wavy hair.

“I knew it was wrong and I should stop, but I couldn’t, and, to be honest, I didn’t want to. Being with Lee, well, it felt right. It felt normal.”

The confession was a hammer blow to Kate’s heart and to their life together. She cupped her hands over her nose and sucked in the carbon dioxide she breathed out. Her head spun. She couldn’t face Tom anymore. She couldn’t hear that he felt normal with Lee, because then, what did that mean Tom felt with her – abnormal? As she felt tears beginning to well in her eyes, Kate refused to let her husband see the hurt he was inflicting on her. She turned on her heel and marched out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“Kate, I’m sorry,” Tom said, following. “I know how horrible that sounds, and believe me, if I could change how I feel—”

“For nine months, Tom!” Kate snarled as she whipped back around and her eyes narrowed. “Nine fucking months!”

“Once I was in it, I couldn’t get out of it.”

“Liar!”

“Kate—”

“I don’t have one, but I imagine it’s pretty easy to keep your dick in your pants, Tom!” The taunt, lobbed in anger, hit hard, and Kate was glad it did. From the wince she saw cross her husband’s features, she knew it was a delivery that landed a cruel blow and evened the score somewhat. “For nine months, you did this. For nine months, you carried on behind my back. For nine months you made me look like a fool!”

“No, I—”

“Every day I go into the fucking bakery and see him,” Kate said as she began to sob. Her shoulders jumped with each sharp intake of breath, and two tears – one from each eye – glinted and glistened in the sunshine that came in through the living room window. “Every fucking day, Tom! And the whole time…” Kate’s voice trailed off, and her mind moved to the one question she had been afraid to ask. “How often?”

Tom knew there was no point stalling or lying. “Every Tuesday. Sometimes Saturdays too,” he said so matter-of-factly that it sounded cold, although he didn’t mean for it to.

Reality dawned on Kate. The cover that Tom had always used to carry out his clandestine affair had been staring her in the face the whole time. “Darts,” she whispered. “It was darts. And that’s why you didn’t answer my call the night of the Taylor Swift concert!”

Tom took a cautious step forward. “Kate, I—”

“You didn’t just lie; you planned this. You deliberately deceived me.” Kate stood unsteadily as her knees threatened to buckle. The room spun; she felt disorientated, and her breaths came in short, jagged huffs. “I can’t get my head around all this,” she said breathlessly in a whisper. “I don’t know you at all, do I.”

Tom swallowed heavily. “Yes, you do. I’m still me,” he said, taking his wife’s hand and pressing it to his chest, holding it over his heart as he began to sob. “I’m still your Tom.”

Kate shook her head. “No, you’re not.” The reply was like a dagger to his heart and sent his thoughts spiralling. “My Tom is kind and sweet and loving,” Kate continued and managed to free her hand from Tom’s, the tips of her fingers dancing across the bloodied fabric as she withdrew it. “My Tom tells the truth. My Tom is honest and good. This… you… that’s not you. You’re not really any of those things, are you?”

“Yes, I am!” Tom blubbered. “Kate, please, I—”

“Was I ever enough for you?” Kate asked as she turned her back on her husband and looked out of the window across the farm. Greystone Downs had been her home for over half her life, yet now, as she looked out over the same pastures and fields she had seen every day for nearly 24 years, they seemed foreign and unknown. The life she had cherished and loved was gone. Everything had been a lie.

Tom wiped his nose against the back of his hand and winced in pain as he moved closer to his wife. “Yes, of course you were. You are!”

“I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me. We’ve been together twenty-five years, Tom. I… I just don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me.”

“How could I?”

At that response, Kate whipped around. “How couldn’t you?” She corrected, almost flabbergasted. “I’m your wife, Tom. We don’t keep secrets from each other. That’s not us. That’s not what we do. Was all of this – everything we’ve built and worked hard for – not enough for you?”

“Of course it was. It is.”

“Then what, because I don’t get it, Tom? I don’t get why you would throw all this away.”

“Because I couldn’t help it.”

Kate’s brown creased into a heavy frown.

“Help what?” She asked as she chewed at the inside of her cheek.

Tom sniffed and brushed away the tears that rolled down his bloodied and bruised face. “My…” his voice faltered. “My feelings for him.”

Kate paused. There it was, the truth.

“My God,” she whispered, allowing the confession to settle over her before taking a deep inhale of breath and preparing to ask the question she feared hearing the answer to the most. “Do you love him? Do you love Lee?”

Tom stood in silence, looking back at his wife from under his eyelids. He didn’t want to answer the question. He had already inflicted so much hurt and pain on Kate.

“Answer me, Tom. Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

The answer, spoken so softly that it could have been carried away on a breeze, knocked the wind from Kate’s lungs.

“And I love you,” Tom added. “I still love you.”

“But clearly not enough,” Kate replied. Her voice cracked with emotion, her mouth puckered, and her face crumpled as she allowed the heavy sobs that she had been holding in to finally break free. Her shoulders jumped, and her body shuddered with each heartbroken sob. “How can you love him and still say you love me?”

Tom’s heart broke, and he hated himself even more, if that was possible. “It’s not that simple.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No! I… I love you both. Is it not possible to be in love with two people at once?”

Kate was stunned. With her mouth slightly agape, she held the palms of her hands flat against her face and brushed away her tears.

A tear rolled down Tom’s cheek. “I never wanted to hurt you, Kate. I never wanted any of this.”

“You didn’t want to hurt me?” Kate said with a tone that sounded like a breathless laugh of mockery. “You’ve broken me, Tom. You’ve torn apart everything we built together.”

Tom took another step forward and went to reach for his wife but hesitated. His hands trembled. “Kate, please.”

In a moment of clarity, Kate suddenly realised what she had to do. “I can’t do this,” she said with a flurry of activity as she rushed off and hurried up the stairs to pack the final few things and collect her overnight bag. “I can’t be here.”

–  G L E N D A L E  –

Honeysuckle Cottage,
Glendale

Emma’s eyes widened at the confession. “What?”

Queenie trembled, and her lips quivered as she took a deep breath. Painful memories of 1954 returned with crystal clear clarity, as if it had all just happened yesterday.

“Gail,” she said, her voice trembling. “’er name is Gail.”

Emma leaned forward curiously, her thumb rubbing against the back of Queenie’s hand that was still lovely held between hers. “How come you’ve never mentioned her before?”

“’cause I don’t know where she is.” A single tear that held seventy years’ worth of hurt and pain traced a line down the elderly woman’s cheek. “I ain’t seen ‘er since they took ‘er away from me.”

“What?”

Queenie’s eyes clouded over with memories. “They didn’t let ya keep ya babies back then. Not girls like me anyway.”

Emma suddenly realised they were about to talk about a sensitive topic in its rawest form – one that Queenie had never opened up to anyone about before – and maybe, just maybe, she didn’t want to. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“I do.” Queenie was as resolute as always. “It’s important I do.”

Emma offered Queenie’s hand a gentle squeeze in support and silently encouraged her to talk.

“I wos only eigh’een,” Queenie began with a voice that was already heavy with anguish. “I’d gone to a dance in Maidstone with Audrey an’ William – that was Audrey’s fella. ‘e was the son of a farmer, an’ they ended up gettin’ wed. But William’s mate tagged along. Stanley ‘is name wos. Stanley Butler. Oh, Doc, ‘e wos gawjus.”

Emma smiled as Queenie’s teary eyes glistened and sparkled at the memory.

“Tall. Dark. ‘andsome. ‘e ‘ad the most beautiful eyes ya ever did see. ‘e smoked like a chimney an’ drank like a fish, but blow, wos ‘e ‘andsome! I wasn’t one of them good time girls, just so’s ya know, but back in the olden days we still ‘ad urges an’ whatnot. I’d only been about with one boy before that – Richard Matthews, or Dicky to ‘is mates. Oh, an’ was ‘e one of them alright! ‘orrible ‘e was. Makin’ fun of the way I speak an’ callin’ me common. I know I don’t speak the Queen’s English, but I get by an’ I’d rather be common than a twat!”

The two unlikely friends shared a snuffle, Emma at Queenie’s description, and Queenie at the vivid memory that felt like yesterday.

“Anyways,” Queenie continued. “Stan wos different. ‘e wos cheeky but nice. ‘e ‘ad a right wicked sense of ‘umour, did Stan. But ‘e wos kind an’ carin’, or so I thought. After the dance, we stepped out a coupla times. We went to the pictures an’ that, an’ I guess Stan took a likin’ to wot ‘e saw, ‘cause for the next few weeks ‘e was sniffin’ ‘round like a dog on ‘eat. Me mother knew wot wos wot an’ kept shooin’ ‘im away. ‘As bad as an alley cat,’ she said ‘e was. She weren’t wrong. She weren’t daft me ol’ mum. Like I said, she knew wot wos wot.”

Queenie’s heart ached at the memory of her long-dead mother. They had been inseparable in so many ways, although history had strained their relationship, as Emma was soon to find out. But Queenie did miss her mother every minute of every day, and it was a pain that hadn’t gotten easier with time.

“Anyways,” she said, dabbing the tip of her nose with the back of her index finger. “One night when me mum an’ dad were down at the Oak an’ Vine ‘avin’ a drink, an’ Charlie, me brutha, wos sleepin’ in bed, I snuck out. Stanley ‘ad this gawjus blue Triumph motorcycle. Oh, it wos beau’iful, an’ the feelin’ of the wind in ya ‘air as we zoomed about, there wos nothin’ like it. ‘e took me to this spot up near Greystone Downs an’… well, you can work out wot ‘appened next. I weren’t one of those girls, Doc.” Queenie seemed determined to make Emma believe her. “I promise I weren’t, but, well, I thought ‘e loved me. ‘e told me ‘e was gonna marry me an’ I believed ‘im. ‘e dropped me ‘ome, kissed me goodnight an’ that wos the last I ever saw of ‘im. William said ‘e never ‘eard from ‘im again neither, but I knew better. Always wos a terrible liar wos William Granger.”

Emma was enthralled by the octogenarian’s vividly told story, although she knew it wouldn’t have a happy ending.

“Wos a few months before I knew I wos in trouble,” Queenie said, her lips twitching and stretching as she paused for a moment and tried to get hold of her emotions. “Mother clocked it first. Always knew wot wos wot she did. The shame. I ain’t ever felt anythin’ like it. I could see the look of disappointment in me mum’s eyes. I’ll never forget that look as long as I live. We couldn’t let me dad know. The shock would’ve killed ‘im, an’ ‘e would’ve killed Stanley if ‘e got ‘is ‘ands on ‘im! Me mum ‘ad a friend who could ‘elp.”

Queenie looked at Emma as if to telepathically speak the words she couldn’t say herself.

“She ‘elped a lot of girls ‘round ‘ere like me, but I ‘ad ‘eard the stories about wot she did, an’ I wasn’t lettin’ that ‘appen to me. Not like that,” Queenie said, with a soft shake of her head as it lowered and her eyes fell to her lap. “The next thing I knew, me mum ‘ad found somewhere for me to go an’ I was packed off to a convent. A place called ‘ope Mission, up near Leeds. It were anythin’ but though.  Ain’t no ‘ope in that place.”

Queenie closed her eyes at the thought. Hope Mission had left such an impression on her that to this day she could still remember every single detail about it – the lack of sunlight, the smell, the anguished cries to the girls they were there to “help.” Her eyes reopened, and she stared off into the distance as voices of the past whispered at her ears.

“They looked after us ‘fallen women’. Nothin’ but a baby farm it were. There wos one girl, Peggy Puleston ‘er name wos, to this day I can still see ‘er face an’ ‘ear that scream when they came an’ took that little baby from ‘er. It ‘aunts me in me sleep does that scream. She didn’t take it too well, poor Peg, an’ she tossed ‘erself off the roof the next mornin’.” Queenie pondered a moment of silent reflection for poor Peggy. A weight seemed to press down on the elderly woman’s already hunched and arthritic frame. “They broke somethin’ in ‘er by doin’ wot they did. It really was the most Godless place an’ yet it was supposed to be one of ‘is ‘omes. God’s ‘omes. But God weren’t there. ‘e couldn’t ‘ave been.”

Emma’s eyes were filled with tears as she listened on in stunned silence. She could feel Queenie’s hand trembling in hers, and her heart ached for her friend at the impact Hope Mission still had on her all these years later.

Queenie straightened in her chair and sniffed. “I gave birth to Gail on the twenty-eighth of March, nine’een-fifty-four. It wos a Sundee – ironic I thought,” she commented as a light smile flickered at the corners of her mouth for the briefest of moments before fading. Her gaze returned to her lap. “Oh, she wos the most beau’iful littl’ thing I ever ‘ad seen. Blonde ‘air, blue eyes, the most perfect littl’ apple cheeks. Those littl’ fingers an’ toes. I counted ‘em just to make sure. All ten. All perfect.”

Queenie’s spirit brightened at the thought of her darling baby girl.

“I named ‘er Gail. We weren’t allowed to, but I did. One of the sisters, the only nice one, Sister Mildred, promised me she’d keep the name. She even snipped me a lock of ‘er ‘air. I got to ‘old Gail just once. She didn’t cry or nothin’, she just looked up at me an’ I down at ‘er. ‘er little fingers clamped ’round me finger, an’, you’ll think I’m daft, but I can still feel them ‘oldin’ onto me to this day.”

Queenie choked on a sob, and Emma wiped away one of her own tears.

“The sisters came an’ took ‘er after that.”

The world fell silent.

The two women allowed a heavy silence to settle over them for what seemed like eternity.

“Then she cried,” Queenie’s voice grew softer as her anguish increased. “She screamed an’ screamed did Gail an’ I tried to get to her, I really did, but I could barely move. They whisked ‘er out of the room, an’ that wos the last I ever saw of ‘er. I could ‘ear ‘er cries goin’ down the corridor, but they soon faded to nothin’ an’ that was it. Me little Gail wos gone.” Queenie’s shoulders shook with silent sobs. “They made me sign a piece of paper that promised never to try an’ see her again, an’ that was that. Before I knew it, we wos back ‘ome, an’ mother was tellin’ everyone we’d been to see me aunt Gerty in Salford.”

“Queenie, I’m so sorry,” Emma said, offering support to Queenie as she wept.

“I think about ‘er every day, me little Gail,” Queenie added, her breath catching in her throat as she choked on a sob and allowed seventy years’ worth of emotion, hurt and heartbreak to pour out of her through her tears. “Wot ‘appened to ‘er? Where’d she end up? Wot’s she up to now? ‘avin’ her taken off me, it cast a shadow across me whole life, an’ it never leaves ya, that pain, that hurt. It is always right here.” Queenie knocked on her breastbone. “Every day an’ every night.”

The elderly woman lifted her head and looked to Emma through tear-filled eyes.

“So, I mean it when I say I understand wot you wos feelin’ all these years, Doc,” she said, offering a crooked smile as only Queenie could. “But luckily yer not like me. Ya ‘ave got a chance now to be with yer boy, yer baby boy. Don’t let anyone steal that from ya again. An’ no matter wot anyone says, I will fight in yer corner until the last breath leaves me body. We’ve got to stick together, us two, for each other an’ for our littluns, Gail an’ Nick.”

“Oh, Queenie.”

Emma wrapped her arms around the elderly woman and embraced her tightly as Queenie surrendered to her emotions and sobbed heavily in Emma’s arms.

–  G L E N D A L E  –

Greystone Downs Farm,
Glendale

Upstairs in the master bedroom, Kate stood at the edge of the bed and zipped up her black overnight bag. Tears rolled down her cheeks and moved along her lips, leaving a wet, salty trail. Through glassy eyes, she looked at the large photograph on the bedside table, framed in a sterling silver frame, of her and Tom on their wedding day. They looked so young and happy. Kate felt the final heartbeats of their marriage softly fade to a flatline.

The bedroom door creaked open behind her, but Kate didn’t look back, not straight away. She turned her attention from the wedding photo to the window and looked out across the rolling hills of Glendale.

“Kate, please,” Tom’s anguished voice broke through the silence as he crossed the threshold into their bedroom. “We can fix this.”

Kate’s chin quivered, and her lips puckered. She felt her emotions spill over, and the tears began to flow more freely. She slowly turned around, and her eyes settled upon her husband. His face was pale and strained. He looked broken, and tears rolled down his face, as if his very soul was weeping.

“Fix this?” Kate’s voice caught in her throat. “How do you expect us to fix this? You just don’t get it, do you, Tom? We can glue the pieces back together and slap a lush new varnish over the top, but the chips and cracks will always be there. This,” she gestured between her and Tom with her hand, “this will never be as perfect as it was. You’ve broken my heart, Tom, but more than that, you’ve broken my trust, and I can’t forgive that. This, us, it’s broken. How do you expect us to fix this? To move on from this?”

“We can try,” Tom pleaded, taking a hesitant step forward.

“And how would that work? What, we just ignore everything that’s happened – all the lying and sneaking around and deceit? You deny who you are – who you truly are? Is that how you think this works? Because that isn’t fixing it, Tom. That’s just you ignoring who you are again, and I love you too much to let you do that. Not to me, not to the kids, and especially not to yourself.”

Tom’s eyes pleaded with her. “I’m not who you think I am.”

“But you are,” Kate said softly as she reached out and ever so gently stroked his rough, unshaven cheek. “Tom, you are. Gay, bi, whatever. You are who you are, my darling, and that’s okay. There’s no shame in that.”

“Can we please try? Please.”

Kate shook her head and felt her heart shatter. “Maybe if you’d told me the truth from the start, maybe somehow we could’ve found a way through. But this, what with the lying and the deceit and the sneaking about – well, there’s no coming back from this, Tom. Not for us. Not now.”

Tom seemed to collapse in on himself, his strength fading as he broke down into uncontrollable sobs. “Please don’t go, Kate,” he begged breathlessly, grabbing her hand and stroking it as if his touch would somehow change her mind. “I need you and the kids.”

“We can’t stay here. They deserve better. I deserve better.” Kate’s voice choked with emotion. “I’ve packed a couple of things for us all, and I’ll come back tomorrow to get some more stuff.”

“Please, Kate. Please don’t go. I can’t do this without you. Please. I love you.”

Kate could see the desperation in his eyes, but she knew that she couldn’t stay. Kate cupped Tom’s face in her hands and wiped away his tears with her thumbs. “And I love you,” she replied through short, jagged breaths and she sobbed. “I always have, and I always will. But sometimes love isn’t enough.” She kissed Tom tenderly on the lips one final time.

With that, Kate collected the overnight bag from the bed, grabbed her phone from the bedside table, and walked towards the bedroom door. As she grasped the knob, she hesitated and turned back. The sight of her husband standing there, sobbing, lost, and broken made her heart ache with sorrow.

“Goodbye, Tom,” she said softly.

Kate stepped through the doorway into the hall, closing the door on her life with her husband, while Tom sank to the floor, his body shaking with sobs and an overwhelming sense of loss.

NEXT TIME…

• Ashwin’s life hangs in the balance.
• Neha faces the music.
• Secrets are revealed.
• Ed’s families collide.